How I turned from a "TradCon" into a "Radical Feminist"
A column 2015-Courtney never would've imagined writing
While it’s been years since I Googled myself, I have to imagine that if I were to peck my name into the search bar, I’d be met with hundreds if not thousands of articles written from a conservative perspective. Of those articles and columns, a good chunk are surely mocking the blue-haired land-whales screaming about the patriarchy and rape culture lurking around every Disney princess. Mocking third-wave feminism was my bread and butter. I delighted in skewering the silly ladies who thought that running marathons while “free bleeding” was “brave.” I giggled at any opportunity to festoon fat feminists who whined about beauty standards that wouldn’t accommodate their expanding waist lines. And most of all, I trolled men in dresses who assured me they were more ladylike than I since they looked more like Barbie than I did.
I walk back absolutely nothing of my criticisms of the crazier elements of third wave feminism, especially those who invited into its orbit the wolves in sheepskin clothing, the transwomen. I believe much of third wave feminism was complete clownery, a way to bitch and complain about fake traumas in order to keep hold of a victimhood trophy. I wanted, and still want, no part of it. I believed then, as I believe now, that good men exist and the world is a better place when we work together. I saw no way to walk hand in hand with good men while screechy women who made their whole personalities their lack of hygiene and hatred of men, tried to speak for all womankind and trash all of mankind.
However.
I slowly awoke to too many truths of original feminism that were buried under layers of the cheap and silly third-wave fat pride flavor of feminism. I saw, over years, the tenets of OG feminism rise to the surface in concert with men who equated “feminism” with “women,” who revealed themselves to be actual sexists who not only hated feminists (third-wave or otherwise) but women in general.
As they showed their true colors, I had to re-examine my stance against the feminist crazies I’d long fought.
If you’re a subscriber to my Substack, there’s a better chance than not you remember this pre-feminist version of Courtney. I quickly ran to the defense of men against feminist attacks. I launched my own written counterstrikes against these balloon-hipped broads. I received so many comments and letters from men who felt victimized by these third-wave gremlins, thanking me for seeing them for the gentlemen they were.
Those same types of men seemed to disappear around 2018, the dawn of the MeToo movement, when women in the USA especially but globally, shared their stories of sexual harassment, assault, and misconduct.
That, for me, is where the shift began.
For the record, not one man has asked me the simple question: “Courtney, why are you more feminist now?” Not a single one. I have been accused of being more “anti-man,” but the follow-up question of “Why is that?” never happened.
That, I’d argue, is part of the greater problem. I noticed men didn’t ask me. They didn’t want to hear my experience. I was (and still am) largely dismissed by men for my entire lived female experience. Even though I had a pedigree of bashing feminists, of standing up for good men, my background, my history, my entire life of being a woman, was written off if I had something to say about how some men treat women. Then I was told that I “didn’t understand.”
Excuse me? I don’t understand the difference between a man who is shy and awkward and therefore nervous to talk to me, and that of a creepy pervert? Yes, this is a true story. I once told a group of men that women know the difference between a man who’s nervous and a man who’s a creep. I was laughed at.
Pardon me, but fuck all of you who hold such an opinion. It is baked into my DNA to be on the alert for men who want to do me harm. It is part of the lived female experience to deal with shit men who want to hurt us. They’re everywhere. Before you say “not all men” go read my article about “not all men.”
I remember in 2018 when the accusations about Harvey Weinstein came to the forefront. I was aghast but not surprised. Every woman, EVERY SINGLE ONE, has some kind of experience with sexual harassment be that in work, in school, in their family. All of us. But what really made my skin crawl was a video I probably will not be able to find. Harvey was out walking on the streets (this was obviously prior to his arrest), and a member of the paparazzi, a man, screamed his support to Harvey.
Weinstein had been accused of disgusting, vile, violent acts. And a man broadcast his support to him.
Was this what the feminists called “rape culture” I wondered? Was this “patriarchy,” this inclination men had to circle the wagons and protect each other?
My feminist hackles were raised, but still I thought the feminist banshees were batshit. No way could these ladies who whine about “manspreading” be taken seriously. Surely, SURELY, men would hold other men accountable for their bad behavior. Right? Because I was told that men wanted to protect women. That’s why we couldn’t have women in battle alongside men. Because men wanted to protect women. RIGHT?!
Men who couldn’t wait to beat their chests about how big and strong they were, how women were the weaker sex, wondered aloud why women wouldn’t just walk out of the room when Harvey Weinstein (or pick whatever creep was revealed to be a creep in 2018) would attempt to prey on them.
Feminists who’d complained that men victim-blamed women for “what they wore” or the kind of makeup they applied were also given back their credibility when I read comments all over social media and Twitter particularly of men railing against women for dressing sexy and wearing blush or lipstick, especially in the office. How are men supposed to know when or when not to harass a woman at work if she smiled at them while wearing makeup?
Imagine my consternation as someone who put my real name on pieces defending men, when the demographic I’d run to the defense of seemed incapable of discerning when and when not to harass a woman in the workplace.
These same men are then baffled when women don’t pay them compliments. They’re baffled why female baristas or bank tellers don’t smile broadly at them. They’re mystified by women being very clear about not being interested at a bar, “Why won’t they give me a chance?” they’ll say.
The MeToo movement, meanwhile, rolled on. It was primed to be a watershed moment, and I still believe it was, and then it took a turn for the worse. A woman went on a bad date with Aziz Ansari and tried to equate her bad date with the likes of all the others who’d had horrific experiences with powerful people in Hollywood.
That’s when, as I recall, the mostly right-wing decided to write off the MeToo movement. Sure, we got Weinstein. Sure, we got Cosby, but everything else? We can’t trust it because a woman took herself too seriously. The pendulum swung from “Believe all women” to “Disbelieve all women.” One woman lied, they must all be liars, see? Toss out the entire movement.
Incidentally, this throw the baby out with the bathwater approach is employed when women engage in what the right-wing pearl-clutchers deem bad behavior like behavior. JLo and Shakira shake their booties while wearing little clothing at the Super Bowl: “Feminism was a mistake.” Women as a large demographic vote largely Democrat: “Repeal the nineteenth!” Women are the ones who file for divorce? “No fault divorce has RUINED our culture!”
90% of violent crime is committed by men? “NOT ALL MEN!”
Real mystery why more women are turning to feminists. Absolutely shocking plot twist not even M. Night could’ve thunk up. I am floored, I tell you. Floored.
The same happens with women who are exposed as being false-rape accusers. A false rape case can get a lot of mileage and coverage in the right-wing media. This has led many to believe that a lot of rape accusations are false, that evil wicked women are trying to ruin men for bad dates (like the one who accused Aziz Ansari) by accusing them of rape. Ergo men are falsely accused of rape all the time!
No.
This trend disturbed me. It still does. It was insane to watch how quickly men couldn’t wait to throw out any and all criticisms of their male cohorts as they circled the wagons around each other then set their sights against feminism.
I couldn’t unsee what I saw. I couldn’t unlearn what I’d learned. Like Alice down the rabbit hole I went, exploring feminist ideas around marriage, patriarchy, gender roles, coverture, no fault divorce and others. I explored the bizarre obsession the right-wing had with the 1950s and only the 1950s.
When men spoke about women, I listened. More importantly, I observed their behavior.
Time and again, I watched men dismiss female experiences. I watched as men wouldn’t listen to what women had to say, that men wouldn’t hear about women and why women were the way they were unless the knowledge was first passed through a man (like Jordan Peterson). Men seemed only willing to listen to women if those women bashed other women. Then sure, they can be believed. But women being critical of men? Burn them at the stake.
Women accused of witchcraft were often single women. As I see is playing out now, there seems to be nothing these men hate more than women who chose to live a life without them, or worse, are happy without them. See, for example, Matt Walsh skewering this young woman for enjoying her singledom.
I am still walking down my feminist path. I’m still learning much about what feminism was in its early roots hundreds of years ago, and is in 2024. Because contrary to what the right-wing bangs on and on about today, a lot of feminist history wasn’t actually taught in my generation.
Read also: Feminism wasn’t created in a vacuum.
I am questioning everything. I’m realizing much. I am, for the first time, awake to many of the manipulative tactics men have, for centuries, used against women. Gaslighting, projection, mining women for their resources, trying to shame them with fear to settle for them, “modern men” have proven feminism right in ways the founders of feminism would’ve never imagined.
I am not the only one who sees it. Women are, globally, waking up. We are realizing, en mass, what so many men want and are. Men may not listen to what it is women have to say, but women are listening to what men say. We’re watching what men do. We see how men respond. When men broadcast what they want from a woman (they often describe well-behaved slaves, I’m very sorry to say), we observe it. We share men speaking about women with other women. We’re reading and watching the horror stories women have about being “tradwives” and then single mothers, abandoned by men who promised to love them until death do them part, only to discard of them for other usually younger women or when these wives had the audacity to speak up or fight back against the verbal, physical, financial (or all of the above) abuse of their husbands.
These stories are not extreme cases, they’re everyday. They’re everywhere.
I’ve written this before: feminism wasn’t created in a vacuum. It still isn’t. Men cannot dismiss women, their experiences, their concerns, they cannot label women as “emotional” and “irrational,” they cannot gaslight or shame women and then turn around and act surprised when more women seek out answers in feminism.
If a diehard conservative like me and many of my peers have walked down the same path and come to the same conclusions, it isn’t a fluke. Women of my generation are becoming more and more feminist for the simple reason that feminism, and I’m talking OG feminism, not the third-wave silliness of fat pride and bad hygiene, has been right.
No one sells feminism like men who hate women.
Yes, the comments are once again disabled. I hope the image that includes me with a glass of boxed white wine and a picture of my cats will suffice for those booty hurt men who are itching to yell at me that I’ll die alone with cats and boxed wine. I’m well on my way, dudes. Fret not.
I will turn on the comments for paid-subscribers on that glorious day when I decide to go paid. Until then, ladies, if you find this post to be relatable or know of ladies who would, I’d be very grateful if you could share it with them and encourage them to subscribe to my Substack. I can’t promise that I’ll always feature my cats, but I’ll do my best. Meow.